the what of it all

I don't know what the meaning of it all is, but when a big decision has to be made, I am often rendered catatonic.

It is the curse of a girl who has coerced the shyness out of her, who has learned to stand up for herself, only to discover that when things matter most, she can't speak.

It is the most basic of understandings.
The most erudite of life's mysteries.
The most annoying aspect of my personality.

Big decisions, too many choices, too many answers, too many a crux in the road that could determine so much, or so very little at once.